BREAKING: Merkley evites Bush to resign

CATAPULTING THE PROPAGANDA EXCLUSIVE: MUST CREDIT CATAPULTING THE PROPAGANDA

I have received word from my sources inside the sufficiently-oiled machine that Jeff Merkley has savaged George W. Bush, with an absolutely stunning electronic invitation. With only 5 minutes remaining until the stroke of midnight, the Merkley camp comes through as promised.

It is certainly going to be an unpleasant morning at the White House, when Bush wakes up at 9am, sniggers a few times, rolls over, and wakes up again at 11:30am and finally receives the news from his staff. There will doubtless be a few hours of shock, and then, after naptime, a press conference in the late afternoon.

Expect Steve Novick to hang up his hook soon after, and for Gordon Smith to hang his toupee on the lonely hook.

Remember: you heard it here first.