Jeff Merkley gets awesome, pulverizes Gonzales

In a brilliant move many are hailing as Caesar-like, Jeff Merkley recently harnessed the power of online petition to procure literally dozens of e-mail addresses, and armed with this awesome firepower, single-handedly brought down the first Hispanic Attorney General in our nation's history.

"We haven't seen firepower on this scale since the opening scene of Gladiator, when a very Merkleyesque Russell Crowe totally PWN3D Germanic fools," gushed primary opponent Steve Novick. "Um, vote hook? LOL."

But the move has generated considerable controversy across the state. The Oregon Republican Party immediately launched an attack on Merkley, claiming that his recent actions don't represent the majority of Oregonians.

"This audacious use of the internet shows just how far outside the mainstream Jeff Merkley really is," said Republican House Minority Leader Wayne Scott through his spokesman, Salacious Crumb. "We're confident that regular Oregonians will realize that Merkley represents the Macbooking, steamed milk-quaffing extreme gay left of the Democrat Party."

Merkley couldn't be reached for comment for this article, but his spokesman Jon Isaacs offered hints at what was in store next.

"Speaker Merkley has... hey, do you mind if I just call him Senator Merkley? Anyway, Senator Merkley has devised a plan to deal with the other law-breakers in this administration," announced Isaacs. "I really think this is such a stroke of brilliance on the Senator's part."

"On Wednesday of this week, we're going to send an Evite to President Bush and Vice President Cheney, cordially inviting them to leave office. We will await their RSVP."