Another day in Amazing Race: Sprint to the Democratic Nomination for US Senate, another huge boner by Steve Novick. But this time the media wasn't going to let him get away with it.
The Ashland Daily Tidings wrote an absolutely blistering editorial assailing Novick for this press release, which was published on International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Most of us were sitting on our thumbs and thinking it impolitic to criticize a hook-ed man for common corsair imitation, but the editorial board had the guts to publish the truth.
If there were one distinguishing characteristic of American politics in the 21st century, it would be this:
Our elected officials do not take themselves seriously enough.
Politicians are not like you and me. And they certainly should not act like regular humans.
We must hold candidates for Senate to an even higher standard. They should not laugh. They should not experience joy. It's not senatorial.
This passage nails it:
But lest anyone actually take Novick seriously, he also issued a series of press releases announcing his new nickname, "Left Hook" Novick, and an attack release on "Gordon Red Ink Smith." If that's not enough to eradicate any hope of consideration, Novick's release is written in honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
Amen, mystery editors. To have the gall to write this stuff on International Talk Like A Pirate Day is as nutty as dressing up in a costume to go canvassing on Halloween!
Novick's bizarre timing aside, we should be very careful to not fall for his beguiling trickery. And we should see it for what it really is, as the editors make plain here:
The campaign has barely begun and Novick is already reaching for gimmicks. Unfortunately, this ill-advised attempt at humor plays on Novick's own misfortune, for he truly does have a hook for a left hand
I would offer the following words of advice to Mr. Novick, but the Daily Tidings has officially sounded the death knell of his candidacy, so my expertise will have to serve Democratic candidates in the future, when all of our campaigns will be waged against the robots (naturally, this advice will remain relevant).
2) If you look different, and have an inspiring life story based on your efforts to overcome adversity and your struggles to come to terms with your differences and to make other people comfortable with them, and you consequently view people, society, and inequality with a unique and valuable perspective, please keep it to yourself. Nobody likes a gimmick.
3) If you absolutely must make a joke, please do not highlight your disability. The rest of us would just rather not have to be reminded.
4) If you are brainy, you cannot also be silly. If you are silly, you cannot also be brainy. This obvious truth of American politics was invoked brilliantly by bdunn, commenting over at consummate insider blog The Beaver Boundary (I have wondered: is it the labia? Or the mons pubis?).
5) If you strive to involve new and traditionally ignored people in your line of work, maybe you should move to the professional sports arena. There are already too many cooks in the kitchen of our democracy.
6) Finally, if you look different, please do not be too disappointed when you lose the election. Take solace in the fact that it's not your fault: humans are simply not wired to vote for you (probably a nature/nurture thing).
The Tidings rightfully signaled the end of the primary, based on Novick's foolish overtures toward the nerd bloc. But there is a GREATER CONTROVERSY HERE!
He didn't just commit acts unbecoming a Senatorial candidate -- Steve Novick consciously chose to emulate bloodthirsty, thieving assassins.
International Talk Like a Pirate Day sounds fun and harmless, but what most people don't know is that it began over five centuries ago as a pirate PR campaign, orchestrated by pirate leadership as a way to soften their image, so when a treasure-bearing crew was traversing the high seas and saw the skull and crossbones flying nearby, they would laugh heartily and smile, their guards down. And then the pirates would strike.
Such callous insensitivity toward this history is what really disqualifies Novick for the nomination. Think of the victims, across the millennia! Think of Peter Pan, and his sweet Wendy. Think of what their descendants thought when they heard that Steve Novick was legitimizing the scourge of the seas.
Didn't we learn anything from Waterworld? PIRATES ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED. Especially in a post-apocalyptic future when the oceans wash over the globe and destroy civilization as we know it. Just wait until global warming gets worse and the oceans flood our cities and you're trusting pirates and the people who emulate them. Just wait and see who's laughing then (hint: it will be the pirates).
8 comments:
One of the more pathetically skewed editorials it's been my pleasure to read. A definite case of looking very hard for something to hang a piece on.
7) If you want to be a US Senator be sure to have elected experience.
8) Humor is no substitute for real policy.
9)The US Senate is a serious place that decides such important issues as whether or not we should go to war with Iraq. I wouldn't take much stock in what a walking Halloween act has to say when it comes to war or any other serious policy.
You are a severely twisted individual. Just remember, the robots will come for you first.
Galen thanks for using me in your post! I feel so special I just might have to call my mom :-). A couple of quick points before getting back to studying for my midterm tomorrow.
If I have used ad hominen attacks in the past towards people, I apologize. I try to only attack ideas and I will be more careful in the future.
I totally agree that parts of the ADT were unfair. However, I don't think you can remove the broader context of Novicks remarks which happen to be after quixotic references to mascots and football betting (which I didn't think were funny) and therefore I agreed with the BB post not necessarily the article. Honestly,I think international talk like a pirate day could have been an excellent opportunity for Noick to make light of himself in an endearing way. I just think he missed the (pirate) ship because he used up his weird/brainy humor quotient elsewhere. Its more a here he goes again thing (actually I believe those are the exact words that I used when I email friends the link) than anything else.
My policy on humor, if your going to do it, be funny (at least be funny to me) and I didn't think it was. Examples of candidates that used humor that I found effective include Matt Gonzalez's 10 reasons to why Matt is different walk piece from the 2003 San Francisco Mayors race including reason #6 he plays base in a band, and Clem's ad about skateboarding to the Capitol with him wearing like 90 million pads.
But if its not good humor I think it hurts a candidate/elected official. Think of it this way. After Peter Defazio wrote that letter to Gonzales demanding an investigation into the Simpsons home state being Vermont or whatever, the story about Bush with holding the terrorist attack plans from Congress broke and I didn't pay attention because I thought the "investigation" had to do with the Simpsons. Another example is the Klingons and Vulcans speech by David Wu. That is my worry about the humor that is coming out of the Novick campaign, that a genuinely really smart guy gets marginalized and becomes less effective on issues we both care about.
as for anonymous' #7 I honestly believe that having success while holding a lower elected office should be a strong determining factor in a US Senate race. Its like having a college degree in a job interview, maybe it isn't 100% necessary but its pretty important at least to me. I think it shows what kind of Senator you would be in a way those who haven't served in that capacity can't. Its easy to support a bunch of cool policies from the outside but when you have political and fiscal limitations, there are trade offs that have to be made, compromises that have to be struck, and principals that have to be upheld. No other experience, in my opinion, is the same crucible.
As for Anon's #9: This comment is disgraceful.
To quote from Galen: "those things now appear in the comment section. And that's good enough for me"
Um I havent commented yet and I use bdunn when I do so how are the ad hominems in the comments my fault?
Finally, I think Steve Novick, even with what I deem to be a misplaced sense of humor, would be an excellent US Senator. And if he wins the primary, Ill finish a plate of crow and then work my ass off to make sure he is the next Junior Senator from Oregon. But in this Democratic primary, I think Merkley is a better candidate for reasons including and far beyond his sense of humor.
Hey anonymous,
regarding your #8...
Take a look at both Novick and Merkley's websites. Who has actual policy? I can't find shit on Merkley's site except something about impeaching some unemployed guy and an RV with Washington plates.
On the Novick site, I found very comprehensive and innovative positions on things such as health care, Iraq, net neutrality, labor and a variety of other such gimmicks and "ill-advised" humor stunts.
I hope your ballot gets lost in the mail.
Wayne Morse never held elective office before being elected to the Senate, and that worked out OK, I think most Oregonians would agree.
And if anybody in Oregon politics today is at all like Wayne Morse, it's Steve Novick.
bdunn, in 1964, Sen. Wayne Morse was one of only two senators to vote against the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. He stood up to not only his party, but the entire political establishment to do what is right. To make such a vote took strength, but most of all, it took independence. Are the late 1960s all that different from today? We have a deeply conservative, dishonest President, and a Congress that's still just a bit too spineless. We wage a disastrous and terribly unpopular war. We're in the crux of a battle for civil rights and against corruption in government. Young people are getting up in arms and bringing the populace with them. And a few politicians are listening to the movement, but they aren't the same politicians that listen to the party leadership.
We could use another Wayne Morse in the Senate today, just as we needed him then, to be righteous even in the face of ridicule.
Steve Novick is such a politician and will be such a Senator.
Oh, and anonymous, if you think a great U.S. Senator needs elected experience, look to Paul Wellstone.
Wellstone never served in office before he ran against Rudy Boschwitz and he quickly became one of the great progressive Senators of his time.
And, for a list of progressive U.S. Senators who never served elected office before taking their seat:
Currently serving:
Jim Webb
Frank Lautenberg
Patrick Leahy
Hillary Clinton
Ted Kennedy
Kent Conrad
Herb Kohl
so, really, is past experience in elected office really necessary, or even helpful, to be a good senator?
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